did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
