i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
