he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
