I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
