I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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