I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
