WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
