Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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