Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
