From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
