I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
