as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
