Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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