4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
