Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
