I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
