Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
