Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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