dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
