i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
