do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
