so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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