I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
