I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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