Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
