They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
