you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The air was thick with penises
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
