I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
