She said her name was "party"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
