I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
