I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
