I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
