i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
