I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
