where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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