cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
