those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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