To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
