how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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