wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
