he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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