I heard we made out
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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