found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
