I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
