you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
