So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
