By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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