So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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