happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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