I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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