Can i not drive my cunt home
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
