We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
