that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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