Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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